Skip to main content

Bollywood Salutes Antarctica

No, no, no one from Bollywood has ever come to Antarctica. No feature film has ever been shot here from India. It is high time though with commercial flights now available, someone must think of Antarctica as a possible location for at least an item number or a chase on the snow scooter for the last scene. Bipasha, Shilpa or Rakhi will win many accolades doing an item number on the frozen ice in their glamorous lingerie. Salman can have exposure of his lifetime and can expose himself to his heart's content satisfying his exhibitionism for this life at least.

In a recent cultural evening, Casper Johnson penned and presented a skit when bollywood thinks of a movie in Antarctica. And who can be such adventurous hero-producer-director-storywriter (all combined) other than our evergreen Dev Sahib? So after numerous flops and on the verge of bankruptcy, Devanand is desperate to give a hit. We all know his penchant for weird story and locales for his films. Realizing that either he himself or other producers have already exhausted known locations, he hits upon an idea of having a film shot in Antarctica after watching 'March of Penguins' in a TV programme. He looks, as always, for a new face which he gets dime a dozen. However, he must give this time a sure winner, so he has to rely on old wine too. No one would fit the bill other than our dream girl, Hema. Does not she look glamorous in a recent tear jerker Bagbaan? She agrees in spite of Dharam forbidding her. He is still smarting with the success of Amitabh-Hema having wonderful onscreen chemistry. Dev Sahib wants a multi-starrer this time. After short listing many of the yesteryears' sure winners, he zeroes on to Raj Kumar. Raj Kumar agrees for a price not in terms of money but in terms of footage and camera angle. He also wants generous supply of scarves. Dev Sahib has no choice but to agree; after all, HE IS RAJ KUMAR. He also approaches Rajani Kant who agrees too charging nothing keeping his image of a large hearted person and winning many more fan following. After signing other supporting staff, Dev hires a ship and the unit sails towards Antarctica. They reach Cape Town where they have good time since there is still some fan following left there for Dev Sahib. So far so good. The Unit slowly marches forward and reaches latitude of 40 degrees little realizing the risks of 'roaring forties'. The ship rolls and pitches, and the entire staff is rolling on the floor. Everything is tipsy turvy. The Unit revolts against Dev Sahib in not being transparent and not providing enough information on the risks and dangers of such a journey to Antarctica, and not providing with enough insurance cover. Dev Sahib is also miserable having lost many of his implants in rolling and pitching of the ship. With a broken heart he agrees to return. He reaches Goa and waits for the return of the members of Indian Antarctic Expedition. He salutes them and acknowledges that the scientists and logistic staff of the IAE are the real heroes of India while Bollywood has only celluloid heroes.

Chitra adds: Your bollywood story didn’t have an end; it has to be 'all's well in the end'. Some hero has to do the rescue act and save the ship and win the heroine, Hritik Roshan or Akshay Kumar will fit the bill.


Anonymous said…

You are selling out and pandering to the crowd, now that you've become famous.

Rambabu Thakaria

Popular posts from this blog


When I told my family and friends that I wanted to trek to Valley of Flowers and Hemkund Sahib this August, everyone thought I was just crazy. Besides Delhi, the rain gods had been relentless over Uttarakhand too causing road breaches at multiple sites in various hill towns. There were landslides everywhere and traffic to all the well known pilgrimage centres of Badri Nath, Kedar Nath, Gangotri and Yamunotri were getting cut off from rest of the country every now and then. The group I was trying to assemble had fallen through. But to do justice to the Valley of Flowers, one has to trek there in the month of August only when the entire valley is at its best bloom. So finally, I enquired at the Garhwal Mandal Vikas Nigam Ltd ( if they had any vacancy for its weekly tour to Valley of Flowers – Hemkund Sahib – Badri Nath. Of course, they did not have any for the month of August. However, I was banking on some cancellations hoping some people might not like to venture on this…

The Winter Embrace of Kedarkantha


Recently on my visit to Chawri Bazaar in old and real Delhi, where my ancestors settled, lived and thrived ever since Bahadur Shah Zafar left Delhi, the paanwala (read panwaari) gave me a good lesson in Reverse Psychology. Before I give you my story, let me explain what Reverse Psychology is. By the way, Chawri Bazaar is close to Chandni Chowk. Metro stops at both these places. For the uninitiated, the important landmarks of Old Delhi are, Ajmeri Gate (adjacent to the New Delhi Railway station), Sita Ram Bazaar, Lal Kuan, Jama Masjid, Fateh Puri, Town Hall, Nai Sarak, Kinari bazaar, etc. The famous ‘parathe wali gali’ is in a narrow street off Chandni Chowk. Many important historical landmarks are there; Lal Kila, Jain Temple and its world famous Birds’ Hospital, Gauri Shankar Mandir, Gurudwara Shish Ganj sahib, Ghalib’s haveli and many others. This area is famous for many age-old traditions in eateries. Parathe of parathe wali gali, dahi-bhalla of Central Bank, vari…